The chocoholic diaries
by Evil's Sidekick
Summary: Dear Diary: Seth Clearwater is out for my blood. And all I did was ask him for change for a dollar. Why me? SethOC
1. in which our heroine gets eyebarbecued

**A/N:** Yes, that annoying, computer illiterate girl is massacring the world of sanity again. Please excuse her, because she loves her Sethykins muchly.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Twilight, who do you think the main lead is gonna be? You're absolutely right: Seth Clearwater. Not sparkly Edward (boo!!!)

**IN WHICH OUR HEROINE LEARNS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE BARBEQUED**

_Monday, 13__th__ February, 2009. 9:49 am: Trigonometry_

The whole class is still staring at me. Shit. Maybe if I keep writing, and look all studious, they'll think I'm the nerdy type who does homework early. As in, so early that I do my homework before_ it's been assigned._

_9:53 am._

I will not look at him.

_9:55 am._

Oh my God, he is truly gorgeous. Something like this would only happen to me. _The guy who sits next to me is Adonis re-incarnated._

Oops, he saw me staring. And promptly began glowering again.

_10:02 am_

He's such a jerk. I can't even freaking concentrate.

_4:30 pm._

On hindsight, I guess my first day at La Push High School, La Push wasn't all bad. English was nice, with a cute introduction to the class. Bio was mostly orientation, what with everyone feeling new when it came to the stupid subject.

Oh yeah, and my Trig. desk partner is all about huge, enigmatic dark eyes and black hair curling tantalizingly against his neck. Which I can't stop noticing.

The trouble is, he always notices me noticing his godlike beauty, and glares at me. Which I think is unfair, because Kim says that normally, he's all sun and fun with everyone else.

I am so screwed.

I mean, didn't I get the highest marks for Trig back at my old school? Do you know why that was? That was because I shared a desk with Dell Ridge, who was a nerd to the truest sense of the word, with a scrawny build and huge glasses, who occasionally let me copy off him when I was down. I just automatically assumed that my luck would shine through and the same thing would happen to me in this wet little reservation, too.

Instead, it all blows up in my face and I get _him._

He's the complete package, folks: thick, long dark hair, a well-sculpted body just visible enough through his white tee to make me freeze and gape, smoldering eyes, the works.

And oh yeah, for some totally unexplained reason, he seems to despise me.

Just my luck.

Can you freaking _believe_ this????? This is so not fair. Can you believe that he actually flinched away from me when I sat down next to him? And then glared at me until I felt like a charred piece of wood?

And it was totally not the I-know-you-want-me-you-know-I-want-you type of glaring. More like why-the-hell-are-you-staring-at-me-you-freak-grr-you-make-me-wanna-kill-you type of glaring.

_Plus, _I can tell he's totally not the kind of guy who just broods all day. This was confirmed by Kim's revelation. Kim considers herself the Ultimate Insider when it comes to the hotties of LPHS, just because she's dating this popular jock called Jared. Jared, it turns out, travels in the exact same social circle as Seth Clearwater. Then, she went on to inform me that Seth was _so_ taken. By his sister's Igor-like sidekick, nonetheless.

As if I cared.

_I am so screwed_. Trust me, it's not fun. And it's just my first day.

* * *

_Tuesday, 14__th__ February, 2009. 12:00 noon. Intro to Modern Lit._

Shit. Guess whose sitting in front of me, fists clenched like he wants to hit something (per example, me) really, really bad.

It's like Seth Clearwater is my own personal hell, designated to haunt the rest of my educational life. I'll never get in college.

_12:04 pm_

He has honey-colored highlights in his hair. It's like he has sun-kissed hair.

Gah, Modern Lit getting at me.

_12:07_

Hey, maybe that means I'm not gonna flunk this subject, at least.

Hear that, ye gods of irony? Your minion ain't gonna take this gal down!!!!!!!!!

Ooh, we're doing Robert Frost. I love Frost. Fire and Ice reminds me of Clearwater. That aloof, icy persona, and that bright fire as he glowers at me. Like he is doing now.

Seriously, I feel like I'm being barbecued.

_12:27 pm._

Alert: a whole troop of sizzlingly-hot guys just shuffled into the classroom as soon as the bell rang, and are huddled around Clearwater. Am pretending to be minding my own business while being on full Nancy Drew mode. Thus far, their conversation has gone like this:

Tallest guy: Seth, what's going on?

Clearwater: _(makes annoyed noise, and glares at me. I can feel his eyes scorch my back)_ Nothing.

Guy No.1: Aw, c'mon. we know something's wrong. Spill it, little bro.

At this point, I splutter inwardly. _Little brother?_ He made it sound like Clearwater was a helpless little boy being picked on by bullies_. Excuse me?_

Tallest guy: Maybe we should take it outside.

Dang, had they noticed me listening? But you can't blame me. This is all extremely intriguing. And as a former investigative reporter, I felt it my duty to find out.

Dear God, I'mwillingto_ stalk _him_._

I'm a trainwreck.

I need chocolate. Lots of it.

_12:57 pm._

Mmmmmm, chocolate muffin of much chocolatey goodness. I'm just staring at it for now, trying to get my brain to concentrate on what Embry is saying.

You see, I met Kim and Trina when I barreled into the cafeteria in desperate search of chocolate. We were soon met with Kim's gallant lover, Jared (whom I called Jerry by accident, much to his inexplicable chagrin) along with some of his minions, including none other than the tall guy who talked to Clearwater. He was obviously the leader of their little pack, and I wondered for a minute whether it was just because he was the tallest among them. Turned out he's a nice guy overall. Our first (and thus far, only) conversation went like this:

Him: Hey, there. You're new, right? I'm Jake.

Me: (looks around just to ascertain he's talking to me) Uh. Yeah, I'm new. I'm Charley.

Him: (smiles and nods) I've seen you 'round. You're in Mushrooms' Bio class, right?

Me: (vaguely remembering cute girl with weird name) Think so.

Him: Cool. See ya around, 'kay?

Me: (coming to the conclusion that he and Clearwater aren't related) Um. Sure. See ya.

The whole thing was nine kinds of weird, if you ask me. Unless Broody hadn't told Jake about the whole I-hate-Charley-Ducote-for-no-apparent-reason thing, of course. Or maybe Jake is just naturally clear-headed.

Somehow, I doubted it.

I just decided to let it all go for now and surrendered to the lure of the Incredible Chocolate Muffin.

* * *

**A/N:**_ Await much Seth-y goodness. There will be chocolate, and Seth. Often together. Because who can resist the combined forces of chocolate and Seth Clearwater?_

_And to all those who may think this is a lame imprint story: It isn't._

_Thoughts?_


	2. in which our heroine gets dehydrated

**A/N: **I feel like Curious George. And I have absolutely no idea why.

**Disclaimer:**If I owned Twilight, who do you think the main lead is gonna be? You're absolutely right: Seth Clearwater. Not sparkly Edward (boo!!!)

_**IN WHICH OUR HEROINE GETS DEHYDRATED**_

_Wednesday, 15__th__ February, 9:00 am. Trigonometry_

The contrast between the freezing cold outside and the waves of warmth Seth Clearwater is emitting might, quite possibly, make me go completely and utterly nuts.

Plus, he smells frickin' _amazing_.

_9:04 am._

I have a vaguely bad feeling that I'm kind of leaning towards him. No, can't be.

It's just that he's so warm, and it's such a cold day, and all. Besides, he's leaning away as much as possible, anyway. He's gonna fall off his chair any second now.

9:_15_ _am_.

Serves him right, too, for looking so good and distracting me. I can pretty much kiss any hopes of college goodbye.

_9:20 am_

Dear God _he saw me leaning towards him. _

Aaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_9:23 am_

_He's frying me with his pure mercury eyes!!!!!!!!!!!_

I need liquid. NOW.

_9:25 am_

I surreptitiously checked my pockets, and it turns out that I HAVE NO CHANGE.

HOW am I supposed to get some form of carbonated soda WITH NO CHANGE?????????

Maybe there's some in my bag. Pleasepleasepleaseplease………………

_9:40 am_

God hates me.

Not only am I completely out of change, he forgot to lean away from me when he sat down after answering a question and now _his arm is grazing mine_.

Now I'm the one kind of leaning away. Because I really can't breathe.

AND I still am dehydrated.

_9:50 am_

YESSS the bell rang. Now, if a pile of change suddenly materialized in front of me, I'm good to dash down to the vending machine in the corridor.

_10:09 am, Intro to Modern Literature/the parking lot_

You may ask why I am sitting here, on the hood of my car, in the freezing cold.

For one thing, my brother has the car keys, which I only remembered once I'd reached the parking lot. Besides, it wasn't as if I could barge into his class and demand the keys. That would require a lot of explanation and the eventual Look™ in his eyes when I told him that I was skipping.

I was supposed to be a _good_ big sister, not a lousy one.

But at least I feel normal now, as opposed to when Trig. was over and I was buzzing like I had ADHD.

Sadly, a mound of cash did not materialize in front of me earlier, which was why I took drastic action and *cue drum roll* asked _Seth Clearwater for change._

The exchange went something like this:

Me: (quaking with fear and hair going completely crazy) Hey, d'you think you have change for a dollar?

Him: (glowering at me in complete disgust) Sure. (Slides four quarters across the table, and I fling my dollar at him)

But now it's Modern Lit, and I can't take it, even after drowning a whole bottle of Aqua Fresh water. I mean, if it was Bio or something, I probably would've been able to calm my frazzled nerves, but we're talking a whole fifty minutes of staring at Seth Clearwater's rakish, sun-kissed hair.

That I couldn't-can't- handle.

So I'm gonna wait it out, and once the bell rings, I'll slip back in, and no one will be the wiser.

Until then, I have plenty of time to muse on the pressing question that I've been ignoring the past two days:

Why the hell did Seth Clearwater attract/hate me so much?

I mean, the hate thing is so totally unreasonable. Up until a few minutes ago, I hadn't even talked to him, let alone pissed him off.

Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I didn't give him enough attention.

Gee, it made sense that he had Attention Deficit Disorder or whatever it's called. With an exterior that perfect, he _had_ to have something messed up in his brain. It's only justice.

Though after seeing his performance in Trig., that was doubtful.

Dang.

I would've gone for Gay Theory Deluxe, but the guy's so obviously straight. He practically oozes heterosexuality from his pores. Which I can't figure out whether is good for me or not…………………

Maybe he's one of those broody Byronics who are weary f the world in general, and take it out on their Trig. desk partners. Maybe.

Oops, bell's a-ringing. Gotta go, before I freeze to death.

_12:32pm, Biology_

How stupid am I?

No, seriously, tell me. Be factual. Hurl percentages of naught-point-zero-zero-something digits at me. I deserve it.

Thank God the teacher is obsessed in her own ramblings; else she would've noticed me banging my head on the table earlier.

Mushrooms, Jake's girlfriend, shot me a look of mingled sympathy and incredulity, and I offered her a weak smile, which was all I could manage. It was a nice change, actually, having someone give you a oops-sorry-you-had-a-bad-day look instead of aiming at you their Combustive Vision.

Of course, none of this changes the fact that I'm an idiot.

I'd thought that no one would notice that I'd skipped, and had gone on and _dreamed about the only person who could-and did- notice._

(Okay, so that last line sounds like I was stolen right off an Agatha Christie thriller. I'd had a thing for good detective fiction when I was thirteen)

Point being, Mr. Combustive Glare had seen me-or rather, not seen me- skip Modern Lit. It was kind of obvious by this conversation, which I had absolutely no trouble overhearing because it was made for my benefit:

Clearwater: Wow, I'm beat, we did a lot in MODERN LIT TODAY. (the last part added in Caps Lock and accompanied by a glare in my general direction) I'm glad I didn't miss it. SOME people did, though.

Jake: (Obviously trying to fight down a laugh) Dude, could you be more obvious?

Which shows that a) Clearwater is not completely unaware of my existence and that b) Jake is more perceptive than your average American teenage boy.

After that, I noticed Seth go and talk to a pixie-like girl who I recognized as Mushrooms Danvers, Jake's girlfriend. And after _that_, Mushrooms latched herself on to me.

It's not as if I don't like her or anything. She's perfectly nice, if a bit eccentric. But it's the whole mysterious way everything was molding itself into that really got at me.

Something freaky this way comes…………………


	3. in which our heroine meets a dictionary

**A/N: ** The author apologizes muchly for the delay, but would like to point out that she is not to blame for the horror that goes by the name of End of Year exams.  
So quit chucking rocks at me, okay? Okay.

**Disclaimer:**If I owned Twilight, who do you think the main lead is gonna be? You're absolutely right: Seth Clearwater. Not sparkly Edward (boo!!!)

**CHAPTER THREE- In which our heroine encounters a dictionary**

_Thursday, 16__th__ February, 8:45 am, Intro to Modern Lit._

**Intentional Fallacy**- equating the meaning of a poem with the author's intentions.

(Epiphany-a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.)

I've reached that much awaited realization when Professor McColl was explaining Intentional Fallacy and I was kind of not listening to her because I was staring at a certain someone's sun-kissed hair.

You see, I do not have to be obsessed with a boy who so obviously despises me. Even if said boy has abs to die for and sun-kissed hair.

Doubtless you have recognized one Seth Clearwater as the object of my ramblings (again) I mean, I've hardy talked about anyone else since I moved to Slushtown, aka La Push.

But I'm looking to change that. Therefore, I'm launching Project: Abjure (originally called Project: Ignore, but abjure sounds that much more impressive, right? I am so going to pass this subject)

**Project: Abjure**

**Abjure: **to renounce, repudiate, or retract, esp. with formal solemnity; recant: _to abjure one's error;_ to renounce or give up under oath; forswear: _to abjure allegiance._

**Abjurer: **Charlaine Ducote, aged 17 years

**Abjuree: **Seth Clearwater, aged 17 years

I, Charlaine 'Charley' Ducote, swear in the presence of you, my diary, to never ogle Seth Clearwater ever again.

So there.

_9:15 am _

Project: Abjure progress report:

YEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! SWEET SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!

The Abjuree has noticed the way I am pointedly ignoring him, though. He keeps pining me under these burning stares which I pretend not to notice.

That guy really has his glowering abilities well-developed. Not that I noticed.

I think we're actually on to something.

_9:21 am_

Oops. Looks like I spoke too soon. McColl just said that she wanted to see me after the bell rang.

Damn her, for bursting my bubble. Maybe I'll impress her with my dictionary-perusing abilities.

_9:30 am_

I cannot believe this.

_9:32 am_

I refuse to believe this. I am beginning to methodically wipe out those few minutes from my memory.

_9:36 am_

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!!! WHY, SWEET WORLD IN WHICH I BELIEVED IN, WHY??????? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?????????

Gah. Life sucks.

_10:13 am, Nurse's office_

I am a sad, sad mess. And I have a bad feeling that I have been like this my whole life, only my parents never told me because I'm their only daughter and if I killed myself, that would leave them stuck with my retard of a brother.

But the fact remains: My life is heart-wrenchingly dismal.

And so I've reached epiphany no. 2 for the 16th of February. And it was triggered off by my own pathetic clumsiness.

Deep breaths, Charlaine.

Remember how I swore not to talk to Seth Clearwater till the end of my days? Looks like I'll be forced to break that one. Because you know what McColl has done? Paired me up with Clearwater for an assignment, that's what.

"Yes, Charley." Said the Devil's Advocate, as I stared at her in complete incredulity, mouth opening and closing like an out-of-control drawbridge. "I expect you know Seth. I'm told he shares quite a few classes with you."

Yeah, TWO. Count them, McColl, you evil little witch, one, TWO.

This woman obviously has some problems with the spies she's set on me. "Who told you that?"

"I did."

Just when I had been thinking that my life couldn't get more clichéd, a low, rich voice says that from behind me. I don't whip around, because really, what's the point? You know it was Clearwater, and I knew it was Clearwater, so why add the extra cliché?

Besides, I was ignoring him, remember?

I just puffed out a breath, and began thinking healing thoughts. Soon enough, I was calm enough to stop vibrating like a tuning fork (note superior use of similes)

"Seth." McColl finally said, when it was obvious that I wasn't gonna whip around. "Seth, I expect you to inform Charley about your project. Since she's new, I hope the topic will be beneficial for her to learn about our local history." She gave me a bright smile. "I hope you'll enjoy yourselves. That's very important."

What is this, kindergarten? On a scale of one to ten, chances of me enjoying myself was like, minus twelve.

"Sure, sure." Nameless muttered, and I shuddered again. Of course, I didn't acknowledge him as the cause for my physical discomfort, because I WAS IGNORING HIM.

Gah.

Anyway, it was a good thing Jake did one of his magical appearing acts at that point, because it was kind of my cue to say something. Have you tried talking while doing your best not to pass out?

"'Sup, Professor?" Jacob drawled, gently steering me in the direction of the door. Soon, he was half-carrying me, given my feet's refusal to move. "Come on, baby boy. You need to discuss English with Charley here."

Clearwater made a noise low in his throat. It sounded terrifying. It gave me goose bumps on my goose bumps.

Jake latched on to my collar, since now my feet were absolutely hell-bent on moving………far, far away. Perhaps to Tuscany. I hear it's very restful there. "Chill, Ducote." He murmured, as I stared at him with glassy eyes. "He's not having a good week."

I think a hint of disbelief entered the glassiness of my eyes. He smiled a little. "Nice timing, huh?"

After that, he kind of pushed me upright in the corridor, where students were flitting around in a sort of hysteric glee at one subject being done with. Clearwater slouched behind him, glowering as usual.

"Talk." Jake commanded.

We both stared at him, Seth angrily, me shakily. "Tell her the topic." He said, slowly.

There was a sudden shift in the air. There was a new tone in Jake's voice, one that absolutely challenged defiance.

And defiance was what Seth offered. His eyes flashed. There was a fire burning now, definitely.

"I know the topic." I blurted.

Two equally dark, equally vivid, equally furious pairs of eyes locked on me.

"_What_?"

"I know the topic." I repeated, feeling like throwing up. Even now, when he was cataclysmically pissed off at me, all I wanted to do was kiss Seth Clearwater senseless. "It's A History of La Push reservation myths, right?"

The anger evaporated to be replaced by a look of complete bafflement. "How'd _you_ know?"

I shrugged. In truth, I had absolutely no idea, and had only said it as an act of sheer desperation, but turned out I'd gotten it exactly right. "Lucky guess."

Jake's mouth was hanging slightly open. "Cool."

I nodded, feeling fractionally superior. "You said it, Inferior Being."

He chortled. "Now, can I trust you to show our newcomer the impeccable Rez manners and escort her to her next class?" He asked.

Seth shot me a look. It was a strange look. It made my stomach clench, somehow.

Then he smiled, a quick upwards curve of full lips. I began choking. "Come on, Charley."

And that was when Mushrooms collided with me and I fell down with her in a tangle on to the floor. Apparently, she knew how I felt about Seth, and had come to rescue me.

So, as a result, I'm sitting here, watching Seth sweet-talk the nurse into giving all four of us late passes. I must say, Jake was right. The boy can do puppy-dog eyes like nobody's business.

Oops, Jake saw me admire Clearwater's beautiful russet skin. Hafta pretend to flip through the dictionary.

_**Imprint;**_to fix firmly on the mind, memory, etc._ Animal Behavior,_ _Psychology_; to acquire or establish by imprinting.

Oh, look, Baby Boy's talked our way to freedom. And the Aspirin's starting to work, too.

Oh God. I just called a Son of Adonis _Baby_ _boy_. Fie you, Jacob Black, and your catchy, yet totally inappropriate nicknames.

And you know what? As soon as Clearwater smiled at me, I knew Project: Abjure would never work. I was as hopeless as ever.

_12:02 noon, Biology_

I just confided in Mushrooms, and d'you know what she freaking said? She just got this vague look in her eyes and said, "Life sucks, and then you die."

Seriously, that girl needs therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. And d'you know what I need? I need some form of chocolate. Now, since the bell is ringing pretty loudly, and my head's hurting again as a result, I think now would be the perfect time to-

"Ducote?"

Seth Clearwater was sitting on the desk in front of me, holding two, familiar-looking cups in his hand. Already, I could smell the rich, intoxicating smell f the chocolate.

I fainted.

**A/N:** Nice and dramatic. Heh heh.

The hunt for a perfect Seth Clearwater is on. I'm sorry, Boo Boo is hot and all, but I'm no child molester. The guy looks like a kid. PM me with your suggestions.

And, oh yeah, REVIEW!!!!!!!!


	4. in which we meet a hypothetical villain

**A/N:** Back in black.

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:** For those of you who haven't read Jake and Mushrooms' story: Mushrooms is Jake's best friend and imprint. Lots and lots of angst involved. So, enjoy.

**CHAPTER FOUR – In which our heroine **(Charley) ** finds hypothetical villain **(Jacob)

_Friday, 17__th__ February, World Civ., 9.30 am_

**Hey, Charley. Party at my place today. Be there or be square. –Kim**

**Charley? –Kim**

**Charley, why are you hitting my boyfriend with wads of paper? –Kim**

**Whatever the reason, I suggest you stop……………wow, you got him on the forehead. Good shot. –Kim**

He called me the blonde chick. –Charley

**So? You're blonde. –K**

I H AVE HIGHLIGHTS!!!!!!!!!! BLACK HIGHLIGHTS!!!!!!!!

**Blondie. - K**

**OW! That hurt!!!!!! And leave my boyfriend ALONE. –K**

Hey, I got his nose! Ten points. Total score: sixty-eight.

**Excellent. Now, where were we? Oh, that's right. You were catapulting Jared with paper balls. Swell. Catapult away. Now, what about my party? –K**

Kim, I've been on the Rez for, like, what? Two weeks? And for someone who is as much of a walking disaster as I am, a party wouldn't be the best idea. –C

**Seth doesn't think so. –K**

And you know this how? –C

**He told me so. He and I get together every so often, do some face masks, braid each other's hair, have a low-key tea party, and discuss our turbulent love lives. –K**

So, in other words, Jerry told you? –C

**Damn straight. He's the perfect boyfriend. He brings me updates on your puppy love every single day. And he doesn't like being called Jerry, so I suggest you stop. –K**

**Hey! That was uncalled for! –K**

Seventy-three. That must've hurt. He's glaring at me now. Too bad, Baby Boy is a better glarer than he is. A least my so-called soul mate can pull off a decent death glare. –C

**What was that you hit him with, anyway? –K**

My super-hard eraser. –C

**You hit my boyfriend with a rubber eraser. On the forehead. I've really gotta quit hanging with you. –K**

So tonight, huh? I'll be there. –C

_9:45 am_

**Dear God. This is so boring. –K**

Really? I thought it was extremely beneficial to us, education-wise. After all , it's such a vital part of our diplomatic knowledge. –C

**How would you know? You've been alternately catapulting Jared and doodling in your diary the whole while. And don't even get me started on how sick you are, doodling Baby Boy's name in a heart.–K**

Point taken. It's just that I'm not having a good day. Doodling his name comforts me. –C

……………………**.That's just weird. Anyway, you're not the only one having a bad day. –K**

I'm not? –C

Hey, why are you bobbing your head? Does your neck hurt? Should I tell Jerry? –C

**I'm nodding significantly at Mushrooms, you retard. Jeez. –K**

Oh. Any particular reason? –C

**Because she's the other person having a bad day, you blonde……………….BLONDIE!!!!!!!! –K**

Wow, you have a natural talent in Throwing Paper Balls. That's seven points for Kim against Charley Ducote's staggering seventy-eight. 

And why do you say Mushrooms is having a bad day? –C

'**Coz I saw her and Jake arguing their brains off this morning. They NEVER argue. It's sickening, how perfect they are. –K**

Now that you mention it, I _did_ see them. And Jake suddenly looked up, and he glared right at me. –C

**No way! Jacob Black glared at you???????? –K**

Uh-huh. And it's definitely me he has a problem with. I even turned around to check whether there was someone behind me that could have pissed him off no end. Not a soul. –C

**So that's why you were guzzling down chocolate like a neon sign asking for diabetes. –K**

WHY DOES JAKE BLACK HATE ME?????????? –C

**Jesus God, Charley. Don't cry. –K**

I'm sniffling. It's just allergies. –C

**You are so crying!!!!!! C'mon, Charley, he's just a boy!!!!! This isn't the first occasion a boy has been inexplicable!!!!!! –K**

Dude, I'm allergic to the dandelions Mr. Turner walked in with. –C

**Oh. My bad. Hey, why does he have dandelions? –K**

I honestly don't know. –C

**Well, I-**

_Trigonometry, 10.10 am_

Yeeeessssss!!!!! Trig at last!!!!!! I thought this damn period would NEVER roll around. After that fiasco at World Civ. (which included the teacher catching me and Kim passing notes and telling us off good and proper) I deserve something as comforting as Trigonometry.

_10:12 am_

Stop looking at me like that. I _like_ Math.

_10:16 am _

He's late.

Oh my God, what if he fell off those slippery stairs and is now lying around somewhere, staggering in his last few breaths? Holy Talking Trashcan, what if he's confessing his eternal love for me with his dying breath and I'm not there to hear it with tears streaking down my face because _I_ _was in freaking Trigonometry_?????

_10:20 am_

False alarm. He just ran in, hair in adorable, rakish strands. Mrs. Slater apparently noted the adorableness, too, because she just let him go with a smile. If I came into the class ten minutes late, she'd probably call my Mom. And my Mom would put me in jail.

Oh, no, wait, I'm still a minor. They'll make me serve the community.

Life is so unfair.

_10: 45 am, cafeteria, hiding from JB's wrath_

Life is BRILLIIANT.

Guess what. As soon as the bell rang, Clearwater turned to me, and said, "Hey there."

Just as if I didn't have a hundred million daydreams that ended with him jumping my bones that started with precisely those two words!!!!!! I even have a category in my Clearwater Daydreams™ called The Hey-There's.

Anyway, after I managed to articulate a strangled, "Hiya," he was suddenly launching off about our Modern Lit. project.

"……so I'll probably drop in at your place at, around, four?"

I nodded reverently, not really sure what he was asking me (I still have a vague, optimistic hope that he was proposing) and wondered whether drool would stain my top.

"…..Charley?"

I blinked, and smiled dazzlingly. "Yes, Seth?"

He grinned. "Take care, okay?"

I nodded, confused, and that's when it happened:

He leaned over, and pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into my face.

_And cupped my face and traced my lips with a burning finger._

Ooookay, so maybe that last part was simply wishful thinking on my account, but the thing with the hair definitely happened. I think.

Jeez, I wish Kim would hurry up with the chocolate already. I'm on my way to becoming mentally deranged.

_10:55 am, STILL waiting for Kim and alternatively hiding from JB_

**Charlaine Ducote prioritizes: To-Do list**

Disembowel Kim and run off with the loot.

Try not to be massacred by Jake Black's glowers.

Stop doodling Baby Boy's name on margins.

Figure out how to get Seth Clearwater to marry me.

Figure out why, exactly, the said Seth Clearwater is coming to your place at four.

Stop humming the Spongebob Squarepants theme song, you're drawing attention to yourself.

Eat.

Sleep.

Breathe.

Find stupid, loserly brother since you have to drop him at some place or the other on the way home.

**A/N: **The search for the perfect Seth Clearwater is over. Check my profile for the result.

Oh, and REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. in which our heroine meets our hero

**A/N: Yes, 'tis me, I AM BACK! mwahahahaha…**

**CHAPTER FIVE- In which our heroine meets our hero**

**3:10 pm, Nate Harris' place**

My name is Salmon, like the fish. First name, Susie.

Doubtless you have recognized and marked me down as a literary. Because, ya know, who else but a future contender for the Pulitzer can, in the event of her death, quote The Lovely Bones perfectly?

Like I was saying, I died. And subsequently, went to heaven.

_(Hey, does that mean I'm forgiven for lusting after a guy who's already taken? Not to mention all those chocolate-deprived fiascos. YES! I AM TRIUMPHANT!)_

**3:23 pm, **

I will notmistake trees for alien invaders from Mars here to eat Santa Claus.

I will notmistake trees for alien invaders from Mars here to eat Santa Claus.

I will notmistake trees for alien invaders from Mars here to eat Santa Claus.

I will notmistake trees for alien invaders from Mars here to eat Santa Claus.

**3:42 pm**

It's all Jake's fault. If he hadn't gone all Darth Vader on me, I probably would've concentrated more.

**3:45 pm**

That is IT. I am going home today, and I'm gonna dye Mushrooms' hair blonde. That'll teach Jacob effing Black to not discriminate against People Who Are Different, like me.

HEAR THAT, JAKE BLACK? LIFE IS A BITCH!

**3:47 pm**

Update on my brother and his (possibly gay) friend Nate, whose oak tree I crashed my car into: They're talking to Nate's brother.

Said brother is, I note in the midst of my hysteria, extremely cute.

**4:00 pm**

YESSSSSSSS!

SWEET LIFE, I BELIEVE!

**4:03 pm**

Get this: I've FINALLY found a guy in this hellhole who is both  
a) extremely hot, and  
b) does NOT hate my guts just 'cause I'm the only blonde within like a gazillion miles.

Anyway, his name's Colin and he's Nate's big brother, and he was TOTALLY nice. Like, Seth- who? nice. We're talking Nobel Prize for Niceness kind of nice.

Verdict: he's gay.

I mean, look at the facts: having no other epitome of masculine beauty to compare him to, (other than Jake, who I am not thinking about) I am forced to draw a comparison between him and Baby Boy. And the way it's going, no guy that nice can possibly be straight.

Sigh.

Where's that brownie Colin gave me?

**4:10 pm**

OH MY GOD.

WHAT'S _HE_ DOING HERE?

**4:15 pm, in –get this, suckers- SETH CLEARWATER'S CAR (!)**

Yeah, you read that right.

I, Charlaine Ducote, self-confessed addict of chocolate, am gracing the interior of my future husband's car.

Life. Is. Good.

S + C= 4EVER!

**4:20 pm, the Ducote household, my bathroom**

Ohmygosh.

I can't be dreaming, 'cause I already pinched myself. And it hurt. A lot.

Anyway, I ran in here as soon as my Dad began interrogating Seth, so I have a good amount of time to fill you in (Note to self: make sure parents aren't in house when Seth comes to pick me up when we actually begin dating, Dad's rants are flippin' _boring_.)

Here's what happened:

So I was stranded at Nate's place, deciding that Colin was a sound backup plan in case the whole Charley Clearwater thing blew up in my face, because I accidentally crashed my car into a tree that looked like….something else.

And Colin was totally nice (yawn, what else is new? No, seriously, this guy is like the best thing that ever happened to me) calling the insurance people, when SETH WALKED IN.

I'm serious. He just parked his car outside, and strolled in. The sunlight was catching his hair, and his silver eyes were sparkling, and when informed of my predicament, he was like, "oh, Charley can come with me. I was going to her place anyway."

Prince Charming, anyone?

And Colin looked…almost disappointed, that's how nice he is. He and Seth had this weird glaring contest, and then, get this: SETH PUT HIS ARM AROUND MY SHOULDERS.

!

He was like, "C'mon, Charles. Later, Harris."

And then we drove over here. Our conversation went thus:

**Seth: **(looking gloriously broody) what were you doing there, anyway?

**Me:** (in the middle of doing a war dance of sheer glee) uh, I dropped my brother there. He's friends with Colin's brother.

**Seth: **(mercury eyes widening with comprehension) Oh. So what happened? Didn't you see the tree? It's pretty big.

**Me: **(in the middle of scrutinizing his sun-kissed hair closely) um. I, uh, well. It kind of looked like something else.

**Seth: **(turning his head to look at me full in the face curiously) Like what?

**Me: **(in the middle of fainting at the sight of his perfect face up close) um. It's kind of weird. And embarrassing.

**Seth: **(a corner of his mouth curving upwards in the most adorable lopsided smile you've ever seen) Spill, Charles.

**Me: **(in the middle of mentally christening our first baby Hillary, after Hillary Mantel, author of Wolf Hall) ithoughtitwasanalieninvader.

_(Note superior tactics, in speaking too fast for him to understand)_

**Seth: **(face lighting up as a million-watt grin spread across it) you're kidding.

**Me: **(in the middle of deciding he was too sharp for his own good) nope.

**Seth: **(bursts out laughing)

**Me: **(in the middle of trying to be miffed, but failing miserably) Brownie?

**Seth: **Sure. I love you.

Okay, so that last part was kind of my imagination talking. But rest assured, the chemistry was there.

Ooh, Dad's calling. Gotta go.

**5:30 pm**

Okay, for a place which has rain as a primary characteristic, La Push sure does have a heck of a lot of folk lore. When I expressed my incredulity to Seth, who was sitting across me, engrossed in his laptop, he immediately put away his work and began explaining it to me.

And now I actually get it. The stories are beautiful, if not a little tragic.

And I couldn't help thinking, this guy was alright. Looking at him, with his legs crossed, his eyes sparkling with vibrancy and fire, I knew I would be alright, too.

**A/N: So I couldn't be bothered with re-writing all those folk tales. Hopin' you've all read the book. **

**Reviews = Seth = Love**


	6. in which our heroine criticizes Fine Art

A/N: Um…I'm back…? Please don't kill me. I was busy, okay?

**CHAPTER SIX- In which our heroine criticizes Fine Art**

**8:20 pm, Kim's bathroom**

Am currently hiding from Jake's (totally unjustified) wrath. Even Seth seemed to notice that his fearless leader had an inexplicable grudge towards me, because his lips thinned when he and Jake made eye contact.

Not that, of course, I was staring at his lips. What an utterly _ludicrous_ accusation.

ANYWAY.

I've come to the definite conclusion that Jake is either suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder or just recently realized that he doesn't like blondes. Which brings us to my next point:

I CAN'T HELP BEING BLONDE! THIS IS HOW I WAS BORN!

Seriously, what is _wrong_ with him? It's totally freaking me out!

Besides that minor detail, my night has been incredible. Seth actually-

Whoops, gotta go. Rachel Black's hammering on the door, screaming obscenities. Jeez. You'd think I lived in here, the way she was going on. More later.

**9:30 pm, Kim's kitchen **

Some guy actually had the nerve to sneak up to Kim's stereo and turn the volume down, so that I can finally hear myself think. Besides, the counter is no longer vibrating under my diary, always a plus when you're writing around a hundred miles per hour.

Status report on the Seducing Seth Clearwater plan B: Success!

Well, at least he's talking to me, and do you know that he's really funny? And I don't think it's the hormones talking, either. He's actually one of the most well-rounded people I know: interesting, intelligent, well-informed about the obscure titles of books I mention, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. And he's actually hunting around Kim's fridge for some form of chocolate for me.

So it's official: I'm in love.

Life doesn't get any sweeter than this. If it does, it can only involve a sparkly, tasteful ring.

Wait a second. Is that who I think it is?

**10:00 pm, Kim's kitchen**

It so totally _was_ who I thought it was: Colin, in all his curly-haired glory.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to say hi, because Jake kind of attacked him and Seth came up just that second, having scored a double-chip cookie that made me go cross-eyed. Seth was teasing me lightly about my entire chocoholic thing, but Jerry came up to him and was like, "A word, man?"

Seth just gave him a long look and said, "No. Get lost."

This was so unlike the sweet, adorable kid persona he usually projected to them that Jerry and I were stumped for a second. Seth just turned back towards me, completely ignoring Jared.

Jerry gave this uneasy laugh. "Ha ha, Baby Boy." He said, sharply. He touched Seth on the arm, and Seth shrugged him off. "Now c'mon. Jake's orders."

No, I swear, that's what he said. He said _orders, _like we were stuck in Call of Duty or whatever. I narrowed my eyes, and for once just kept my big mouth shut.

Seth made this annoyed noise at the back of his throat, and stood up. "Excuse me." He said, and I totally felt for him. I smiled in what I hoped was an encouraging way, and he walked off, leaving me to stare at the hideous picture of a seahorse sniffing a table hanging on Kim's kitchen.

**10:05 pm**

Turns out, it's not a seahorse sniffing a table. It's actually a picturesque Victorian garden with a space shuttle in the middle.

Jeez, Kim's folks are weird.

**11:28 pm, Ducote household, my room**

Correction: _Kim's_ completely nuts.

No, wait. This entire TOWN is a loony bin. Maybe they gather all the Native American crazies and dump them here in rainy ole' La Push, because everyone here is completely and utterly _mad_.

Not to mention annoying.

I should totally pack up and move to the Belgium. No, seriously. In the Belgium, I hear that they don't care whether you got kicked out of a town full of crazy people or not. Besides, their chocolate is effing _amazing_. I wonder if I can convince my parents. Best to move before they get attached to the weather.

Anyway, when I was squinting at Kim's atrocious painting, the owner herself sauntered up, and was like all, "I hate it when Jake goes all fearless-leader on Jared."

Which I ignored, because I was more than a little miffed. Besides, that painting was frickin' _fascinating_.

"Um, Charley?" she said, sounding a bit nervous, if you ask me. I may be blonde, but I wasn't stupid. I knew very well that Jake himself had sent her, same as he took my opportunity to get to know Seth better. I was beginning to heartily dislike Jacob Black. Goes to show that I _suck_ at judging people. Couple of days back, I would have been ready to swear Jake was one of the nicest guys I'd ever met, instead of the Godfather. I was definitely detecting Mr. Hyde vibes. "Why are you staring at my Mum's picture of a dragon hugging a tree?"

At this, I kind of shot her look of sheer incredulity. "It's a space shuttle in the middle of a garden." I pointed out a little frostily.

She scoffed. "Huh. Right. What's this, then?" she outlined a cloud the shape of an anteater with a curly tail.

I told her. She snorted with derision. "No, it's the fire coming from the dragon's nose. See, it's got this love-hate thing going on with the tree, that's why-"

"'Sup, guys?"

We both wheeled around to face Mushrooms. She was holding a plastic cup of the poisonous stuff Kim called Coke and I called sewer water. No, I'm serious. I know what Coke tastes like, despite the fact that I rarely drink non-chocolate-related beverages, and this was _not_ Coke. Mushrooms took a swallow, grimaced, and set it on the counter.

"Hey, neat picture." She said, finally realizing what we were obsessing over. She narrowed her eyes. "What's that space shuttle doing in the middle of that garden, anyway?"

"HA!" I looked triumphantly at Kim, who looked sulky. "In your face!"

And then, I did something completely stupid. Yawn. What else is new?

I turned to Mushrooms, and was like, "For the future Godmother, you're not that mentally impaired."

!

Like I always say, IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE A BIG, TRAITOROUS MOUTH. I blame it on my upbringing. My parents should totally have taught me to control what I said. Which totally justifies the Belgium theory.

Mushrooms went, "What?" In this totally confused voice that made me feel sorry for her. After all, she had no way of having experience handling the clinically insane. Unless, of course, her name itself is any indication.

I just flushed beet red and said, quickly, "Nothing." And I began re-attacking my cookie with a kind of subdued vigor.

After the chocolate had lulled me into a familiar sort of peace, I looked around semi-happily for Seth. After all, he was the one who gave me a ride here in the first place.

And get this: HE WASN'T THERE.

Turned out, he'd already left with a bunch of his friends after getting into a huge argument with Jake. I ended up hitching a ride off Mushrooms, who looked pretty livid herself. Whatever was going on with her boy, it obviously had nothing to do with her.

Me, I'm used to weirdness. But it would have been nice if Seth just told me he wasn't interested, you know? Instead of just being such a jerk.

Okay, so maybe my heart's just a little bit broken. Who knew that Baby Boy was such a sonofabitch? Isn't he violating some kind of English project partner code of ethics?

Gah. I'm such a failure.

I should stop stressing about this. After all, it's Seth. It's not like he hasn't been known to have inexplicable mood swings before. All I can say is, it was fun while it lasted.

Ngh. I'll tell you what I need right now: chocolate.

**A/N: ***dodges various heavy objects* C'mon, guys. I was _busy_.

Reviews = Seth = Love = Faster updates


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